Here's a few from Stephanie

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS'
...In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
With a little PATIENCE, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes...The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......
Room Service : 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'
Guest : 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'
Room Service: ' Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???'
Guest: 'Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.'
Room Service: 'Ow July den?'
Guest: '.....What??'
Room Service: 'Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?'
Guest: 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please.'
Room Service: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'
Guest: 'Crisp will be fine.'
Room Service: 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'
Guest: 'What?'
Room Service: 'An toes. July Sahn toes?'
Guest: 'I... don't think so.'
Room Service: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes???'
Guest: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wansahn toes' means.'
Room Service: 'Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglishmoppin we bodder?'
Guest: 'Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'
Room Service: 'We bodder?'
Guest: 'No, just put the bodder on the side.'
Room Service: 'Wad?!?'
Guest: 'I mean butter... just put the butter on the side.'
Room Service: 'Copy?'
Guest: 'Excuse me?'
Room Service: 'Copy...tea..meel?'
Guest: 'Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything.'
Room Service: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin,we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??'
Guest: 'Whatever you say.'
Room Service: 'Tenjooberrymuds.
'Guest: 'You're welcome'
Remember I said 'By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' '.....and you do, don't you!

Another: Normally this would be sent to true Southerners for full appreciation: you know, folks who eat cornbread crumbled into buttermilk, who say"yes, ma'm" to their mothers, and who ask their grandchildren to "givethem some sugar" and don't mean that white, granular stuff! Got this from mah sistah, Miss Rachel
Georgia:> >> >
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would You take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Georgia Peaches..

Alabama:> >> >A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

Louisiana:> >> >A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi:> >> >The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Tennessee:> >> >A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

South Carolina:> >> >A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.
Give it up For The SOUTH!!!! LOL........

Blond Ice Fishing

A blond decides to go ice fishing, so she packs up all her gear, a blanket, a picnic, wine and her ice fishing gear. She sits down on the ice, enjoys her picnic, has some wine and decides to cut the hole in the ice so she can fish.
Suddenly a voice comes out of nowhere and says, "There are no fish under the ice there."
She looks around, shrugs, picks up her blanket and all her gear and moves down the ice a little further. She spreads the blanket, takes out her picnic gear and has some more to eat and drink. After a bit she decides to cut a hole in the ice to fish and again the voice comes out of the air. "There are no fish under the ice there."
She moves her blanket and gear on down the ice and gets comfortable but this time goes right to cutting the hole in the ice. Again the voice comes out of the air. "There are no fish under the ice there."
She looks around and not seeing anyone asks out loud, "Are you God? Who are you?"
And the voice replies, "The Rink Manager."

Blonde Policewoman

A blonde policewoman pulled over a blonde speeder one day on the highway. Coming to the car she said, "Let me see your driver's license, please."
The blonde in the car said, "Driver's license? What's that?"
Sighing, the policewoman said, "It's that thing in your purse with your face on it."
Rumaging through her purse, the blonde speeder pulled out her compact, opened it up and handed it to the blonde officer.
Then the blonde policewoman said, "Oh, why didn't you say you were on the police force? You can go."

Beware of dog

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
"Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner.
"Yep, that's him," came the reply.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."